My Hereafter Future

These few days, i was speechless. I don't know myself what has been happening to my body. These are my signs and symptoms; palpitation, chest heaviness, sleepless, and speechless. I guess the latter symptom doesn't count, cause i also don't know the exact pathophysiology of speechless. I guess.

I have been always thinking about my fate in the hereafter, am I eligible to enter Jannah (The Paradise) or will be thrown to the An-Nar (The Hell). That made me always remember, that in everything that have been done previously or in the future, will affect my fate.

The thing is, I've been approached by one of my Ikhwah, to discussed about Baitul Muslim. As I have already told him, I will think about it seriously during my last semester in completing the Medical course. It's not like that I don't want to get married, it's just me, wavered.

I couldn't stop think about one thing, my Hereafter fate or future that will be determined by many factors. Among the important ones is my wife. In a hadith, to be simplified, there will be 4 persons that will drag a man into the Hell. They are his mother, his sisters, his wife and his daughter. Currently, the responsibility for my mother and sisters are still under my father's and i don't have any daughter yet. So my wife is the first person i will be responsible with.

My heart wavered a lot, my brain couldn't stop thinking about this huge responsibility. I've been praying for some times, hopefully Allah swt will guide me. I'm still waiting an answer or a clue from Him before I proceed to do anything.

"O you who believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [apointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded" (At-Tahrim:6)

P/s: If you are reading this, i just wanted you to know that you are a decent person. It's just me who needs some more time. If we are fated together, I want us get together till Jannah.