Ya Mujib, Istajib Dua’ana.

Assalamualaikum wrt wbt.

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful, all praises be upon Him.

In this few weeks, i had facing difficulties in my life. Even so, i actually bear a great responsibility upon my shoulders, as a student leader. I never expected to end up a student leader anyway, because i’m not really good at it. As a start, i just want to express what is actually bothering me lately.

By December 2008, when i was in my 1st year of medical studies, i was asked by few of my seniors to keep on focus in study (which i don't know why). But i’m really happy with it, to have such seniors that taken care of their juniors. Back then, when it was in Mac 2008, when i got my result for 3rd Selajar, that few seniors came asked my if i can be a leader of future generation in my campus. It shocked me a lot, but i prayed to Allah, let He show me the path.

Alhamdulillah, i glad that i made it to enter 2nd year (1st year was such a frightening year for me, to struggle in lots of thing in basic medicine). It was my time then to face the 1st examination in 2nd phase of medical course, when a senior approached me to become a candidate in campus election. I knew it already, i keep praying to Allah, let just He the one to show me the path. I asked Him, if i pass my 1st Selajar that time, it will be a sign for me to enter the campus election, as a candidate. As a medical student, it requires you to pass all the examinations before you can actually be a candidate.

I believe, it was Allah that ease on my way. It became a student leader in February 2010 as a president. It was a great burden on my shoulders that i have to carry on for long 1 year of duration to serve the students here. I made the decision based on two things : i pass my exam, and i had done my research on my batch and my senior batch (there will be no candidate for a guy, that really have talent to lead, understand on the way of Islamic leadership, and would lead it in Islamic way). Upon all Muslim guys in my batch or my senior batch (2nd year and 4th year respectively), it was fardhu kifayah to fill the position as a leader. If no one showed up to be a candidate,  everyone of us will bear a great sin for whole 1 year long. I managed to be a candidate and i won without any hardships, alhamdulillah.

A great responsibility came later. I was the only guy in my six-members committee of student leaders, and i was made president. I was not fully prepared mentally and physically to be a good leader. I wont write about anything that happen in my committee, but really, it made me lost focus on my study. Up until now, i haven’t study for about 10 whole months. I lost somehow in the middle of long journey to be a leader. It caused me failed my 2nd Selanjar of 2nd phase in medical course. Great burden came one by one, and for a small committee, it was hard to serve the students. I also quited being a leader in my group (PBL group-problem based learning, a skill that we as medical student must acquired when we graduate) which gave me a quite relief, even for a while. Fight for student’s right was really hard. That is the words. Being a leader, i made me friends, and foes. Now, I really could not focus anymore in leadership and my own life, i made a lot of mistakes, i have been someone else that really differ from the real me. It aches me, my heart, my feeling sometimes, but i know i have to be strong. Right now i just feel so tense, that i could not bear it anymore. Ya Allah, please, strengthen me.

Recently, i merely had time to make a medical appointment with doctor. Up until now, i really could not solve the mysteries inside me,for which  i had an insight that i’m sick. Being a leader, it consumes my time to even to take care upon my health. Ya Allah, Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim, i pray to You, even so, please end my life with in a good way (khairul khatimah), and please do not end my life in a bad way (su’ul khatimah). Ya Mujib, istajib dua’ana.

Regards,

I’m Muslim